Let’s be honest, we’ve all had one, and they can be really, really tricky.

There are several reasons to get a stiffy in the surf in summer; paddling behind an attractive, duckdiving (wo)man, if the waves are really good… etc.

Trouble is, they are tough to get rid off.

The standard ‘Grandma on the toilet, grandma on the toilet…’ doesn’t work in the sea for some reason, whilst smothering it by lying on it only maintains the wood.

Paddling with arched back bum-in-the-air is too obvious.

You can’t take off on a wave as it’s too obvious.

Our best counsel is to roll off your board and swim a bit, trying to think about something really asexual like ocean acidification or USB 4 vs USB 5 upload speeds.