Multiple cuts, a broken finger and a separated frenulum were among the injuries sustained by Makua Rothman during a 2013 tow-sesh at the End of the Road. What the feck’s a frenulum? ‘Tis a small fold of tissue that secures or restricts the motion of a mobile organ in the body. You’ve got a number of them in your mouth; you’ve also got one on your willy and/or several in and around your vagina, depending on your chosen/God-given set-up.

Of all the frenulums to have severed by the Teahupoo reef, the one connecting your lower-lip to your gums is probably one of the better ones. Makua’s willy/vagina fortunately emerged unscathed from the brutal wipeout, but he did need surgery and 50 stitches to repair the damage to his face, and struggled to move his mouth for a week or two, somehow rendering his already thick Hawaiian accent even thicker.

“My lip was stuck under my chin,” he wrote on Insty. “Happy to be alive and have my face back in one piece.”