Guinness (1759, Ireland)

Not the best out of a bottle. Made with roasted, unmalted barley, hops, brewer’s yeast and treated with isinglass finings (made from fishes’ air bladders). Curiously, Nigeria is the 3rd biggest national market after the UK and Ireland. Dark, powerful, apparently good for you, which is disputed. Part of the magic of Guinness is sinking bubbles(!) 7/10

1664 (1664, France)

The sexier, premium sister of Kronenbourg (watery), 1664 or ‘seize’as it’s known in the French Republic has slightly metallic notes. Made with Strisselspalt hop – a French aroma hop from Alsace. Refreshing, but let’s face it, it’s not Stella. 6.5 /10

Sagres (1940, Portugal)

Not as sugary as Superbock, with a rich, if perhaps cloudy yet dry palate. Still, if you’re drinking Sagres, it usually means you’re in Portugal, which is nice. 5/10

Stella Artois (1708, Belgium)

Made using barley, hops and also maize. Known in the UK as Stella ‘Act-a-twat’ or sometimes even ‘wife beater’, there is no clinical evidence to suggest why, but it makes some folk aggressive, usually when drunk draught. Some simply won’t drink it, for fear of turning into their obnoxious, sinister alter-ego. This aside, the winner on all over taste, performance and Stella-ness. Plus, Belgium has gotta be good at something. 9/10