4. Surfing

Surfing is very important. Essential even. You want to a firm handle on the past, in fact any photos of you surfing should be unrecognisable from grainy images from the ’60s. Ideally you will show someone a new pic, and if you have styled it right and filtered it correctly, they’ll hopefully think its a shot of your grandpappy. Even better, someone will comment, call it “Timeless” and you will know you have reached a higher plane.

5. The Public Spat

Beefs are such a shame. Simon and Garfunkle didn’t talk for ages… all those wasted years! Biggie and Tupac, well that was just silly. Now Al Knost and Derek Rielly have fallen out over Derek and Nick Carroll’s dissing of the retro carry on in Surfing Mag. Here, Al is calling out Stab, Derek and dudes who drive Nissan Tundras (big 4×4 trucks) and wear Flex Fit caps. Meeeee-ooooww!

The best word on this topic unsurprisingly went to Lewis Samuels, who commented, “Knost bashing is so 2008”, in reference to his Post Surf ‘Contorted Hipsters’ jibes of that year. Yes it is.

Guys, can’t we all just sort this out? Let’s all meet at mine for a few pints of Almond (Marc not milk) and talk it over like men (dressed in women’s clothes)…