Keith Malloy, flyfishing, Russia. If anything you do as an eco-conscious effort you do with a beard and wearing Patagonia, then you get double points, if not triple. Photo:Burkard

6. Go Veggo-ish

Ahh the veg debate. Veggies, veggo’s (as I like to refer to myself). Traditionally viewed as a skinny, pale, weak, probably bespectacled (wearing the little round John Lennon ones), probably Marxist individual who is bad at sport. Viewed with a combination of suspicion, bewilderment and pity by guffawing, red-blooded lads, and by French people. But there is good evidence to suggest vegetar- ians are choking the planet to death significantly less than their cattle, pig, sheep, chicken, duck, goose, venison or horse-guzzling buddies. As in, 1 ton less carbon emitted per year. One ton! Even more for vegetarians without dogs.

Surfing has a proud history of avant garde veggo’s: Jim Banks, Nat Young, etc etc. Rasta is a vegan. Possibly a fairly sanctimonious one, but hey, show me a non-sanctimonious vegan. As the saying goes, “How do you know someone is a vegan? Oh don’t worry, they’ll fucking tell you…” Vegetarians don’t eat fish. Fact. Fish is an animal. Fact. Look up the biological classification of any fish, first thing it says: ‘Kingdom: Animalia.’

An animal, that you eat, is meat. Vegetarians do not eat chickens, either. If anyone tries to claim to be a veg and then says, ‘Well, I eat chicken…’ Punch them square on the nose. If they say ‘I’ve been vegetarian about 7 years…’ then order the sashimi, poke them in the eye then karate chop them in the voice box. Violence is the only way.

Maybe you can’t turn veg, it doesn’t always work out. Some folk kind of tend to waste away, as if they are terminally ill. Why not just try eating less meat, doing veggo-ness part-time, say during the week? (You can still shovel your horse lasagne down your throat on Sat and Sundays…lucky!). Humans who go veggo during the week will save 0.7 tons of carbon/year! That’s a lot… and your poo will smell better! Win win.