If he is English, he hates Eastenders, The Premier League and tea with milk. He only drinks green tea. He prefers rugby, and feels affinity with South Africans or Kiwis. All his favourite beers are Southern Hemisphere, probably Castle, Steinlager or Crown. He knows who has arrived after him at the spot, and feels that he is higher in the order than they. Politically, he is anti-big oil and anti-capitalist, although he thinks that £500 to fly to the other side of the world is a rip-off. If he is French, he feels that he really belongs on the islands, or perhaps somewhere in West Africa. Somewhere where they speak French but with an accent. He has never stayed at a surf camp, probably not a hotel. He likes Marley but prefers Tosh. He loves fish. He will tell girls that he ‘never eats red meat’. He wears those Bali fishing pants, and smokes roll-ups. He hates the sinister shadow of the colonialist exploiters, yet has the same last name as the cruelest of them and the hereditary remnants of their plunder paid for his private school education. He wants to shape boards for local kids from shantytown and plans to one day, for sure.