7.  QUIKSILVER WIELDS AXE 

Following a Transworld Business report that Quiksilver USA was due to cut its surf, skate and snow teams, as well as its women’s division and brands such as VSTR, the surf rumour mill went bezerk, feeding on the leaked rumours like a great white on a kiwi bodyboarder.  As of yesterday the new CEO Andy Mooney confirmed the rumours re the athletes and brands with a memo stating. “We have made the decision that Quiksilver and Roxy should exit the skate category and that DC should exit the surf category.” Meanwhile Jeremy Flores took to Twitter giving his views, while quoting our good selves on the European angle.

6.  QUIKSILVER WIELDS AXE #2

Mark Healey on the other hand had to take a sharp intake of breath when the Quik news first went viral.

But breathed easier when the reports said that he, along with Kelly and Dane, were one of the few to keep their contracts.

5. WE ARE NO DOCTORS BUT WE THINK DANNY FULLER MIGHT BE A DAD SOON

4. WILKO IS READY FOR 2013

Having watched the Parko documentaries, Wilko has spent that last few hours in the gym and it really shows.

3. BIG WAVE HUNTER

How does Shane Dorian get his kicks, when he isn’t air dropping 13 foot logs into 50 foot barrels? He dons the camo, straps on the cross bow and goes out looking to shoot defenceless, warm blooded animals. Obviously.

2. FARMER JOE

Aritz Aramburu is a multi-talented man. Apart from backside barrels and forehand hacks he also supplements his income with agriculture labour on his travels. Here he is in Ireland, after a hard day in the fields.

1. ALANA WEARS A WETSUIT

It is rumoured that Alana Blanchard has insured her bottom for 6.5 million dollars. Her sphincter then, if we go by spatial area, must be worth a cool 300 grand alone. Anyway here in some truly groundbreaking news, she goes for a surf… in a wetsuit. We just had to put it in, and not just because one of the new wetsuit’s high tech features seems to be a camel toe.