8) LIKE DANE, ONLY INTERESTING

Dane Reynolds posted this, we assume, in response to the popular fake twitter account Not Dane Reynolds @dranolds. That account currently has more than 14,000 followers who soak up the prolifically sarcy, narky and often amusing tweets on pro surfing (see below for just a few hours worth). Even if Dane was on twitter, we know who we would be following.

7) DO PRO SURFERS SHIT IN THE WOODS?

Think of a pro surfing career and you think of the glamour and the glitz and sexiness of it all. Free drugs, beaucoup parties, business class travel, boat trips, barrels and above all, plentitudes of delicate-scented punani leaping on to your throbbing stalk. But! They are not so different, these pros, they are just like you and just like me. Here’s French ripper Eddie Del Perro on a trip to the Med this week, proving the old adage that just as the bear shits in the woods, so does the French longboarder do le grand poo poo in ze bushes…

6) JORDY BIEBER-SHREK

Given the state of Jordy’s barnet, we are not exactly sure why he is taking the piss out of Justin Bieber, why he is wearing a vest that is commonly known as a “Wife beater”, or why he is trying to out-Shrek Wayne Rooney…

5) GOING OUT WITH A HO

Remember Tony Toni Tone’s rousing R&B anthem ‘My Ex-Girlfriend Is A Ho’…? Nope, neither do we. And we defo didn’t have it on CD… Anyway, imagine being lucky enough to be going out with Coco Ho. Then imagine being unlucky enough to meet her dad, coach and best pal Mike for the first time.

4) AXEL VS THE MONKEY

Here’s one way to get a monkey phobia. Lyndie Irons and a face full of fur.

3) DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS?

No Kaiborg, we are not calling you fat, not even retrospectively.

2) GO WILKO

Wilko’s family flying the flag very high.

1) TIME FOR SOME HOT COFFEE

Here at Surf Europe we love surfer gal Ellie-Jean Coffey, and not just of the pun inducing name. Nope she rips, she smiles, even when getting dropped in on. As she seems to average about 18 instagram shots per hour, we thought we’d put just a couple up to show you what a swell time she has.

although, hang on a tic, does she bear more than a passing resemblance to Albert Square chav Lola Pierce…? Hope Ellie gets custody of Lexi…