Features

Is Australia the World’s Most Dangerous Surf Trip?

6. Snaked at Forster

The second most dangerous thing in this photo is the brown snake. The most perilous are those vicious, ozone-layer less sunbeams destroying whitey flesh
Giant python devours a seagull on the rocks at Burleigh. As if those fuckers aren't slippy and sketchy enough, now you gotta watch out for pythons too!
We shit you not, this happened the same day. A humpback whale beached at South Broulee beach, NSW, before a shark came and bit it in half. Just another day at the seaside on Australia's East coast (the 'safe' one!)
Mick's 18th birthday went well on the whole. Although, despite being grateful for the 50 'cartons of piss' the boys brought, he secretly coveted some of that expensive French moisturiser.

6. Snaked at Forster

Sure, Australia featured prominently in our World’s Sharkiest Surf Zones roundup, but shark attack is merely in the bronze medal position of Aussie-flavoured danger.

At One Mile Beach, Forster, NSW, earlier this year, swimmers were alerted by whistles from lifeguards to clear the water.

But rather than another shark scare, the animal danger on this occasion was a brown snake – one of the most deadly land snakes on the planet – swimming between the flags.

Poisonous, maybe, but respectful of designated swimming area at least.

Possibly the best, most understated Aussie-style, least newsworthy quote ever, came from John Smith, a snake expert, who said, “He (a lifeguard) said he would call back if he needed any more help and I never heard back so it must have gone towards the rocks”.