‘Sick cunt’ means ‘top chap’

LATITUDE: 28 deg S (Goldie)
WATER TEMP: 26 deg C
FLIGHT TIME/COST: 22 hours, from £800
BUDGET: Pricey.
WAVES: 5
WEATHER: 7
CROWDS: 1
WOW-FACTOR: 2

Australia is a riddle, isn’t it? For a start, it’s upside down.

If it’s not, and the universe is actually the other way up, well then we’re upside down.

It is also summer in winter there, but that is also cyclone season for the Goldie. Cyclones! Of course, their cyclones spin anti-clockwise (the wrong way!)

The Gold Coast is some people’s idea of hell on Earth. Babylon with performance fibreglass. Byron is some people’s idea of hell on Earth. Babylon with hair. Yet somehow, the combination of it all, it’s great! Australia can make a decent case for itself as the no.1 surf destination in the world. In terms of an over-winter trip, for the whole package, it’s got much. They kind-of speak English, which helps, and they’ve got the Queen’s head on their coins, in case you get homesick.

Oh yeah, ‘sick’. It’s such a riddle this Australia, that sick means good! ‘Sick cunt’ means ‘top chap’ or ‘terrific fellow’. Wild, but true! It has awesome cutting edge healthfood but also plentitudes of beer, pies and chips. It used to be cheap and good at cricket, but now expensive and not so much. The people are generally friendly but the animals generally more deadly than cuddly. Sharks, snakes, spiders, jellyfish can all kill you dead. Murder you. Even kangaroos can rip your intestines out with their hind legs if they want!

It’s a topsy turvy world, alright.

Need East Coast advice? Click here! West Coast advice? Here!