After squeaking dubiously through his low-scoring Round 3 match-up with Toledo, who’s now out of the title race, Mason Ho steamed headlong into the quarter-finals of the Pipeline Masters yesterday afternoon via a seething Pipe cavern. Emerging after the spit on a carpet of foam, the exquisite Hawaiian miniature promptly reached for his penis and ejaculated in the general direction of the judging panel, whose members rewarded his barrel-riding acumen and irrepressible exuberance with ten points.

Will the WSL brass have a stern word in little Mason’s ear? Tell him to tone his antics down a notch? Probably. Will he heed their stern word when he returns in the quarters against a requalification-chasing Adam Melling, or simply shower them in his insolent ejaculate? Let us hope for the latter.