The lovely Stephanie Gilmore drank a brewski before her semi final yesterday at Middles.
Not because she is Bill Werbeniuk, the dead snooker player who had to drink at least nine pints of lager before he could hold the cue steady. Just coz she was a bit nervous. I think it was a Coors Lite, a limited edition Rip Curl Pro Search can (they apparently had 4 million made). Anyway, she won and won the title, what a Champ. She has now won every World Title since going on tour as a rookie in 2007 (the same year she went on boat trip with me. Im not saying that helped her win, but apparently it didnt harm her chances, either). Steph is a true Champ. Some say she is also the fittest bird World Champ since Lisa Anderson, but that’s a matter of opinion.

Cuzzybru is defo not looking at her ass. No way is he. photo: Kirstin/ASP

There was a rockin party here at the Marriott, with rum and all sorts. All the other top birds like Coco Ho, Page Hareb and I cant think of any others came down and partied with Steph. She is Banque Populaire. Everybody got well into it. Everybody kept going up to Conny Director Dooma Hardman and saying stuff like, “Dooma! Tell us you aint gonna run tomorrow Dooma, you blank…” Dooma, who is actually one of the coolest motherfuckers on the planet would just curl his mouth into a slight suggestion of a smile and pour himself another rum and coke. Dooma is a total legend. Normally you think pro surfers are cool and then meet them and think what an a-hole, but with Dooma it’s almost the opposite. You dont really have much of an opinion beforehand then you meet him and think, “Dooma’s awesome, cant believe I had me Dooma block on all these years…”

Union Jack on the Aussie flag, do-da, do-da. Photo: Kirstin/ASP

Those boys went casino (there’s one here in Marriott) after the free drinks ran out beside the poolside, but I didnt, I consider gambling to spanish reggaeton a sin. I only gamble at Royal Ascot Week and on cock fights. Cock fighting is actually the national sport here in PR, according to my bro Ruiz who drove me home from Shacks beach yesterday. Ruiz is hard as nails and cool as fock. He told me he has 7 cocks (!) and one of them has made him over ten grand (!). He used to fight dogs when he was young but now just fights the cock. Im not real sure about cock fighting either. I mean I dont love cock, but I like cocks, and a bleeding cock is good for no one, man nor beast.

And if you think that’s rad, bear in mind the big guy quaffed nine pints of Hofmeister before he put his dickybow on. Jeeeheeeeees!