There’s plenty of other world records left in the sea…

Inspired by Garrett MacNamara’s world records at Nazare, but don’t fancy riding a 100 feet wedge? Luckily here at Surf Europe we aim to please and so have come up with a few other world records just waiting for the taking. And for these, you don’t need a jet ski, a hard nickname or testicles the size of rockmelons. For all you pussies out there, take your pick.

Most Surfboards Stacked On A Car
The current record is a total of 282 surfboards on top of a single car. A bunch of idiots in California did that and then drove the said vehicle just over 30 metres. If you want to be safe, we’d go for 300 sticks, ideally paddleboards, and then see if you can drive from Hossegor to Mundaka, just for the fuck of it. That way you might also claim the record for the world’s worst ever Chinese wax job.

A very early attempt at the world’s worst Chinese wax job.

Most People Riding A Single Surfboard
Again this seems relatively achievable, assuming you can find a board 12 metres long and four feet thick. That’s what the record 47 surfers rode at Snapper in May 2005, on a board shaped by Nev Hyman. Now interestingly the 47 surfers were actually towed into the wave, which as we all know now is, like, totes uncool. You get 47 other dudes and paddle that fucker and not only do you have a world record, you have some serious cred.

Towing at 3 feet, its a bloody crime.

Biggest Surfboard Collection
Think you have a few boards in the shed? Well can you beat a dork by the name of Donald Dettloff. The Hawaiian is in the book with his private collection of 647 different surfboards. He made a fence of out of them, obviously. To rub his face in it when you purchase your 648th stick, you could make a replica of the Taj Mahal and then set alight to it. Now that would really show this G-Mac clown that you really mean business.

No wonder Donald has so many boards, the scammer is counting fence palings.

Longest Surfing Marathon
Bill Laity, a deranged fool, surfed for 26 hours to take the record for the longest surfing marathon. That the dickhead decided to do it in windblown slop at Huntington, only makes his idiocy even more laughable. Given a one hour surf out there feels like five, the record is ripe for the taking. After all, it’s just a day surfing and most surfers are always whinging about not spending enough time in the water. For maximum impact though, why not attempt it at Mavericks, nude.

12 hours done, only 14 to go.

Most Surfers On One Wave

120 dimwitted Australians hold the record for riding a single wave, at the same time, at Anglesea in Victoria. Given that happens on every second wave at the Superbank, it’s surprising this even qualified. Incidentally just after the wave, they also secured a second record for the most number of surfers involved in an ocean brawl. It seemed the typically aggressive Aussie on the inside punched the guy next to him for dropping in, thus starting a domino effect that continued down the line. For those wanting to take the title, just head to Hossegor in August, or Santosha when the surf is over 4 feet.

The Superbank. It sets records for the most number of twats per metre every time it breaks.

Most Dogs on a Surfboard
During the Loews Coronado Bay Resort Surf Dog Competition 17 mutts crammed themselves onto a single long board, setting the new world record for the most dogs on a surfboard at one time with a human. It should have been 20, but three chicken shit dogs, bailed on the takeoff. We are not sure how many drowned, but that’s beside the point, a record is a record. For added degree of difficulty we recommend using the Rottweiler breed.

We think these dogs might be literally shitting themselves.

In conclusion, there are plenty of records just asking for the taking, so why let G-Mac get all the cred?  And if you want to kill a few birds with the one stone, you might want to get 20 puppies together, strap them to that 12 metre board of Nevs, then go paddle 100 foot Nazare, for 30 hours straight. What are you waiting for?


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