It was Archimedes, I think, who first discovered the simple scientific fact, amply demonstrated by the seven fine specimens who people this list, that fat surfers displace more water. A slight rise in sea-level can be observed as they enter the ocean; great swathes of it are dispersed in fanlike formations as they engage rail.

This eureka-like realisation may well liberate your surfing. Any supposedly excess weight will become a blessing, not a burden; you are not a cheap airline, you are not trying to take off. Excursions above the lip are overrated, insubstantial, unfulfilling, forget about them. Forget too about that diaphanous featherweight Craig Anderson. Litres shifted, not air miles and certainly not the proximity of one’s knees, are the true measure of wave-riding excellence, the standard unit of shred. Combine your superior bulk with sound technique, retain at least a modicum of mobility, and you will be unstoppable.

For the larger wave-rider, good things come in buckets. And when they don’t come in buckets, they come in barrels. You will notice that most of the surfers featured herein have a (narcissistic?) preference for waves that resemble themselves (big, round, heavy). Other patterns also emerge. On the whole, they are not very good drivers. Generally speaking, they are a more colourful bunch than their lighter, more angular peers. Most of them have nicknames, which may be testament to their superior entertainment value and endearing natures. Barrels of laughs, tons of fun.