Day two at the Quik Pro. Some dudes got through, some didn’t. The surf was pretty fricken decent overall. Some banger heats too. Madness.

Yadda yadda, etc. Euros Joan and Leo fell at the first hurdle, to use a horseriding analogy (it is Cheltenham Week after all) for unfortunate equal lasts.

Elsewhere, Parko looked awesome, and it rained a bit. Live cross to the Strider in the channel. It was raining in the channel too.

“I might get a wave, although it’s gone flat” offered Strides.

Cross to head judge Richie Porta. Turps teed him up a softball about stopping due to the rain. “Sorry what Joe? Someone else was talking to me”.

“We’ll leave it there thanks Richie”.

But enough about the webcast, let’s talk about Insty!

Slater vs Surfing Life & Gerlach

Brad Gerlach said something about Slater’s board looking light. A few others weighed in. Surfing Life Magazine put their oar in too. Slater’s repost was like a Batman (original TV series) fight scene.

“@surfinglife You’re actually tripping” (Pow!)

“@bradgerlach the weight was zero issue” (Splat!)

“@dropdeadskeg that board is a handshape” (Kaboom!)

“I love keyboard warrior misinfo though” (Whammy!)

But what oh what to do? When you’re the esteemed online editor/social media artist of one Australia’s very finest surf publications and he’s the 11 time world champ?

It’s pretty much Stevens in terms of cred. In terms of surfboard design and performance feedback from empirical evidence.

Do you back down and say thanks for the bants (and extra followers) though? No way! You fucken double down, carnt.

Surfinglife: “@kellyslater go back and look at the heat on demand. Your inside rail got caught 2-3 times”

Go back, Kelly, and look. Back, you go now, to look.

Your inside rail got caught. (Note: ‘your’ not ‘you’re’… These are professionals).

Slater: “That was the wave not the board so it’s surprising to hear you or Gerr blame the board.”

Kelly’s not angry, just surprised. And probably disappointed, tbh.

But do they hold their nerve? Stick to their guns? Totally!

“Not that it matters, you’re the one who knows what’s happening more than me or Gerr. We only talk about it because we’ve got your back and want you to win. You on that semi pro was a little bit sexual. Haha”

Not that it matters. You’re the one. We’ve got your back. Want. You. Win. A little bit sexual. “Haha.”

And if that particular bit of climb down creepery doesn’t make you cat sick in your mouth, well your bile duct is more robust than mine.