The world’s potentially best surfing judge, commentator and overall performance analyst has been discovered in a small coastal town in Victoria, Australia. Mick (Micko) Watson (Watto) aged 33, an out-of-work bricklayer, was discovered after posting several online comments on various sites during the recent Quik Pro and Rip Curl Pro webcasts.
“(the) Judges are a fucking disgrace,” was one such alert during the French competition, “if that last wave of Parko’s was an 8.5, then I’ll have sex with a pig. The judges seen to be neglecting technical airs for misplaced flow and he’s been ripped on cause he (is) world champ.”
Later he said on Facebook, “does the head judge have his tongue up John John’s arse? Sure he rips, but he is getting 8s for safety taps to the shore and then a bogged alley-oop.”
When questioned how he came to have such obvious superior judging skills to the panel of five independent paid professionals who do the job for a living, Watson was adamant. “It’s not rocket surgery, I just watch the webcast, well I flick between a load of sites, and then maybe do a few of the replays on heat analysiser. It’s pretty basic, I can’t believe they get it so wrong.”
Watson also professes to be more articulate, credible and well informed than 95 per cent of the commentators used on the webcasts, according to his comments. “Martin Potter may have fluked a world title 30 years ago, but that doesn’t mean I should have to listen to the fucker drone on about how he invented the aerial every fucking heat,” was one piece of advice posted in the comment section of a well-known surf site. “Joey Turpel sounds like someone being sick in my earholes,” was another impressive piece of expert criticism.
When asked how he would approach commentating a four days of 30 minute heats, where in each actual waves ridden account for 22 seconds, Watto was confident. “Well I wouldn’t talk shit for a start. And I’d be fucking funny. I mean how hard can it be? Sitting in a booth watching Kelly Slater, its a bloody dream job if you ask me. I can’t believe that keep employing the same morons. Give me and a few mates a few cartons of beer and we’d kill it.”
Watson also had strong online views and creative solutions on the ASP structure, the event locations, Jordy Smith’s hair, the art of claiming, Julian Wilson’s stance, the number of webcast advertisements and why women surfers on tour should surf topless.Three of comments were liked. Six were deemed inappropriate for the section. The rest seem to illicit no response at all.