The Russians
Russia is not, technically, Europe but no matter. The Russians have made billions of dollars off of fertilizer and smelting. Billions. And they have decided to use their money to become European. And so they move to Europe and they purchase football clubs and they wear Dolce and Gabbana, Prada, Etro, Dior, Chanel, Balenciaga, Alexander McQueen all at the same time. And they drive Bentleys and they say, “Da! Scratch a Russian find a Brit or maybe a Finn!”

Ze Germans
And so they benevolently created a currency that ended with Irish, Greeks, Portuguese and Spaniards coming cap in hand asking for odd jobs. It is what they wanted all along. And they rub their hands together and mutter, “Das is gut!” And the Italians and French will join the Irish, Greeks, Portuguese and Spaniards if the Chinese ever tire of Gucci or YSL. And the Germans will rub their hands together even more and mutter, “Ja! Take zat.”