HOW 2: Sneak Up The Inside

OK, this feels weird… a bit… wrong. It’s a bit like those ‘how to bury yourself alive’ things you’d see in FHM in 1999, we don’t want you to actually do it, we’re just making you aware of how it might be done in order to avoid it being done to you… Yeah, that’s it. So we’re talking about a break with a defined and obvious peak, where paddling inside someone already sitting there would be an offensive move. Instead, you want to simply ‘find’ yourself sitting inside and in position, rather than make an obvious paddling move there.

– The Sneaky Snorkel. You’re a waterman, you want to look at the fish, do underwater breath-holding exercises, to check the bottom. Roll off your board, swim underwater dragging your board gently on the surface with your leash. Remember, the enchanting deep is subconsciously drawing you… peakwards.

– The Innocent Sky Gazer. The sky is an enchanting natural wonder too. Roll off your board and swim on your back with one arm over the deck of your board, head pointed in the direction of the peak and kick your feet very very slowly while gazing dreamily skywards. “Oh, how did I get up here? I didn’t realize…”

– The Important Chat. “No, no, I’m not paddling inside, I’ve just simply got to talk to my best mate who’s up there. Sure, I know when it was that other guy up there before I needed to speak to him then, as well. Well, now this guy’s got something really important to say to me. It can’t wait. Hang on, what’s that bro? I gotta go…”