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‘50 Surf Trips To Do Before You Die’ is a collection of ripping yarns, misfortune porn and various travel musings from across the surf world – rather than yet more of those nauseatingly upbeat info type schmoozes.

Including favourite stories, sketches, memories both pin sharp and blurred recounted to stir a bit of gritty – at times shitty – realism in to your wanderlust.

The idea isn’t so much to tell you what wax you need to take, or how much bamboo fins might be at the local surf shop at a chosen location, more along the lines of piquing your interest with some real tales from the real road.

Pro surfers in jail, amateur surfers who should be, journos posing as professional breast inspectors, body swerving pool shark hookers in West Africa, domestic violence in Scotland, public violence in Central America, that kinda thing. Tripping out in the Namib desert, robbed by machete-wielding Bajan crackheads, pistol whipped and bunghole fingered by Mexican banditos, guilt tripped by Californian hobos… Chinese nightclub toilet willy inspectors with bad breath, landmines in Mozambique, Easter Island horse eaters. ‘Whatever-doesn’t-kill-you etc’ type fare.

As for ticking off all 50? You’d be doing well. Single figures would be regrettable, teens acceptable, anything above that highly commendable.

Why not tick off the ones you’ve done, have a pop at a shortlist of do-able remainders. After all, bucket listing is all the rage, they say.

And still so much more fun than bucket kicking.

Europe

Travel

England

An embracing dunk in the icy brine

England
Travel

Scotland

Highland fun and games!

Scotland
Travel

Ireland

A bit like the waves you surf at home, but better, less crowded, more potent, more... Irish.

Ireland
Travel

France: In The Shadow of Young Girls In Flower

Hossegor in summer is a right of passage for anyone connected in any way with surfing

France
Travel

Basque Country Reefs

Featuring the world's sexiest burger!

Basque Country Reefs
Travel

Spain

Where Fiesta is not a small shit 1980's Ford car... but the meaning of life itself

Spain
Travel

Portugal

Peniche is a sardine’s dick away from being the perfect little surf town

Portugal
Travel

Canary Islands

Ever had the feeling that your luck, or what was left of it, has finally run out

Canary Islands
Travel

Italy

Alas, I did not see Mick Hucknall, whom I was told lives in Milano

Italy
Travel

Madeira

Had a good trip? Never, ever go back

Madeira
Travel

Azores

As close as you’re gonna get to being in the middle of the Atlantic without doing a yacht crossing

Azores
Travel

Israel

The Holy Land is holding

Israel
Travel

Iceland

How far does a surfer need to go for a little alone time, anyway?

Iceland

Africa

Travel

Morocco

New discoveries, new friends, and opium tea boners

Morocco
Travel

Mozambique

Where sharks and landmines are only the second and third scariest parts of your trip

Mozambique
Travel

Senegal

Ever been schooled at pool by beautiful hookers?

Senegal
Travel

Cape Verde

CV is known to attract repeat offenders...

Cape Verde
Travel

Reunion Island

Not the worst assignment in the history of journalism

Reunion Island
Travel

Namibia

Because there are only so many 3km-long lefts on any given day

Namibia

Americas

Travel

California

Politically incorrect outtakes from a Cold Water Classic

California
Travel

Canada

Got the horn for eagles, salmon, lumberjack shirts, boats, shotguns and beards?

Canada
Travel

Brazil

A love letter to surfing's most seductive superpower...

Brazil
Travel

Chile

The surf world's worst-kept secret

Chile
Travel

Panama

Imagine four surfing Wolves of Wall Street in a Panamanian den of sin

Panama

Pacific

Travel

Hawaii

Chaise lounge today. Snorkeling tomorrow. Maybe a luau. Maybe a hula. Maybe mele kalikimaka is the thing to say

Hawaii
Travel

Rapa Nui

"It is the mid-nineties and a young Kohl Christensen is on his first trip outside of Hawaii..."

Rapa Nui
Travel

Fiji

It was 2006 and Lyndie Irons’ boobs were big, and they were good, and they seemed to be getting bigger

Fiji
Travel

Tahiti

You know when everything seems to be in the right place, at the right time? Well that was happening to me.

Tahiti
Travel

New Zealand

Whoever placed New Zealand way down there at the bottom of the globe wasn’t really considering the convenience of the travelling European surfer

New Zealand
Travel

Micronesia

It ain’t cheap, and it ain’t fast, but if you’ve got a yacht and a spare 20 years...

Micronesia
Travel

Russia

Kamchatka - The Wild, Wild East

Russia
Travel

The Galapagos Islands

Where riotous fauna meets pounding Pacific surf

The Galapagos Islands

Asia

Travel

Indo (by Land)

The time-honoured terrestrial safari in the world's surfiest archipelago

Indo (by Land)
Travel

Indo (by Boat)

There is no better feeling of anticipation than jumping off a boat into Indo perfection

Indo (by Boat)
Travel

Bali

A dog’s scent somewhere between the low dangling balls and hole - the canine taint

Bali
Travel

China

Tropical Hainan Island is the 'Chinese Hawaii'... kinda

China
Travel

Australia

I moved to Sydney in order to fulfill my childhood destiny. Everything seemed exactly perfect as I stepped off my Qantas flight and breathed the...

Australia
Travel

West Oz

Margaret River has fantastic bed and breakfasts, pastry cafes, wine bars. Yallingup has a maze. Yadin Nicol was born in a bathtub in Cowaramup

West Oz
Travel

Japan

Zen shred, austere aesthetics & cherry blossom

Japan
Travel

Yemen

Chas Smith dodges Al-Qaeda but not lips along the Arabian Peninsula's surf coast

Yemen
Travel

Sri Lanka

Home to countless long righthand points, and the more effort you make to get to them, the less company you'll have

Sri Lanka
Travel

The Maldives

A Better Kind of Blue

The Maldives
Travel

The Philippines

7,100 islands, 17,460 km of coastline... and karaoke

The Philippines
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