‘50 Surf Trips To Do Before You Die’ is a collection of ripping yarns, misfortune porn and various travel musings from across the surf world – rather than yet more of those nauseatingly upbeat info type schmoozes.

Including favourite stories, sketches, memories both pin sharp and blurred recounted to stir a bit of gritty – at times shitty – realism in to your wanderlust.

The idea isn’t so much to tell you what wax you need to take, or how much bamboo fins might be at the local surf shop at a chosen location, more along the lines of piquing your interest with some real tales from the real road.

Pro surfers in jail, amateur surfers who should be, journos posing as professional breast inspectors, body swerving pool shark hookers in West Africa, domestic violence in Scotland, public violence in Central America, that kinda thing. Tripping out in the Namib desert, robbed by machete-wielding Bajan crackheads, pistol whipped and bunghole fingered by Mexican banditos, guilt tripped by Californian hobos… Chinese nightclub toilet willy inspectors with bad breath, landmines in Mozambique, Easter Island horse eaters. ‘Whatever-doesn’t-kill-you etc’ type fare.

As for ticking off all 50? You’d be doing well. Single figures would be regrettable, teens acceptable, anything above that highly commendable.

Why not tick off the ones you’ve done, have a pop at a shortlist of do-able remainders. After all, bucket listing is all the rage, they say.

And still so much more fun than bucket kicking.