Do you like fish? I hate those fuckers. I mean, I like them swimming around in the sea, I hate them for dinner.
Last week I walked past a restaurant in Ribadesella, Spain and I saw a couple sharing a salad... with baby eels on top.
"Mmmmm this lettuce is crisp and these tommies are sweet and juicy and this thinly sliced red onion has just the right amount of tang but what this salad really needs is some baby eels sprinkled on top" said no one ever. At least, so I thought.
But I was wrong.
Pretty much the last time I touched a dead fish was at the visitor centre at RSPB Dinton Pastures in the early 80's. They had a pike skull and I put my hand in its mouth and then, coz the evil fucker's teeth curl in, couldn't get my hand out again. I cried.
Some people love them, though. Love catching them, love eating them. I'm not sure why but there's a whole new thing where they wear these kind of neckerchief thingies on Insty. There're probably council estate chavs carp fishing on Insty too in Burberry caps but I don't seem to be following as many as the neckerchief wearing kind. They're all the rage.
Anyway, plenty of the world's top surfers are more than ready to forgo bioaccumulation of heavy metals and eat long-lived predatory fish. They take their chances with the mercury, they take their chances with the yuck.
Among them are CJ Hobgood, Matt Meola and at the centre of it all a new-ish brand going great guns, called Salty Crew.
Because Surf Europe is a broad church, because I respect your right to be wrong, we salute you fish lovers. Catchers and guzzlers, alike.
I'm off to Portugal in two weeks for a couple of events, which is one of the fishiest places anywhere. That means I'll be getting a table for one in a quiet, forward-thinking vegan sympathetic environment, rather than watch a table of WSL judges/my co-commentators guzzle 9 endangered species each in one of those floor-to-ceiling tiled death shrines with over-varnished nautical paraphernalia on the walls and 70-year-old waiters in white shirts and black trousers.
Come to think of it, if eating fish gives you the energy/temperament to be able to wait tables all the way to retirement age, well, maybe there's something in it.
Probably not though.