I got to San Juan, Puerto Rico this morning by US Air. They did the in-flight announcements in English first and then Spanish, and when they did them in Spanish they said San Juan, Puerrrrrrrrrrrta Rrrrrrrrrrricoooo like that at least 5 times more than the same announcement in English. When they did, everyone cheered.

A blast of hot, tropic air greeted me when I stepped outside the airport. I was in the Caribbean for the first time, ever. I breathed in Caribbean air and sucked it up. I got in a cab and said, "Aguadilla, please." It was 160 us dollars. I sucked that up, too. My driver very pretty old and started off cool, but then started to freak out. He got lost about 5km before Aguadilla and kept pulling over and asking for directions. Then we would start up again and he would completely forget what they just told him 60 secs earlier. This happened over and over and over. He started wigging out at me when we were lost, I thought he was gonna hoy me out in the wilderness somewhere between KFC, Burger King and Charlies BBQ.

I got to the hotel and felt like kissing the ground like Pope John Paul II (the non-embroiled in kiddie fiddling charismatic Polish one from the 80's) did in Canterbury in 1982. A muscular American with tattoos saw me outside the hotel and said, "What the fuck are they?" He was referring to my hologram wristbands. He was from Power Balance. I was wearing a Zentrum one from Marlon Lipke and a Equalibryum one from me mate Gave (gay Dave) from Laguna Beach. As I was checking in I heard someone say that they'd just completed round 1 of the mens and were running the birds. My timing is awesome today. I took the Zentrum one off and jumped in the pool.

I cant tell you anything that happened because I was in a $160 taxi ride so just check the round 1 highlights vid below. I will be on it tomorrow and seeing as Ive had to sell a kidney, auction a Penny Black and pawn my nan's wedding ring to get here, I vow not to miss a single nother heat of this until it's done.