The Swatch Girls Pro Six star WQS kicked off today at Bourdaines in Seignosse in messy but contestable 2-3ft slop.

The organizers were looking for someone cool, funny, clever, informed, charismatic and good at languages to do the webcast but no one like that was available, so they asked me. I said yeah. Oh yeah.

A fierce tempest blew through and took out the webstream for an hour or so mid-morning. Ideal. I had a little nap in the com box, read a bit of Herman Hesse and drank the flask of tea that I’d sagely brought with (guess what, the coffee machines were on the blink too, quelle surprise!)

The main talking point was the scran. A crack crew of dudes in black overalls and red berets served up a veggie burritos which was just fantastic. The Carlsberg from the Carlsberg fridge was nearly drinkably cold. Almost. Overall, catering gets 7 out of ten today (see full scores below). I’d like to leave some room in the criteria for cold beer and pudding which will hopefully come later in the week (as if they’re gonna have pudding for the kooks who lose in the round of 70 something!).

I saw Steph G, we hugged. She said ‘Oh yeah I just got your email this morning.’ What a lie! I said, ‘Oh that’s right Gilmore, too famous and too Laureus award winningy to reply these days, is it?’ I wanted to do something with her in the mag but I think I’ve changed my mind now.

Gilmore: “I just got your email this morning.” Oh itchy chin!

The Brazilian surfer Claudio Goncalves was sick as a parrot that she lost. She was winning all heat and then got pipped at the death by Canelle Bulard. Then they called it off. She went upstairs and broke off conny director Philippe Malvaux a lil’ something. I’m not sure why. They called it off after you’d lost, love. Where’s the controversy? I really don’t get that one about finishing the round, never have. Surely you only surf against the people in your own heat…?

Anyhows, here’s my unoffical score card from today.

Waves: D-         Judging: B+      Head judge Iggy Pop look-a-likeness: A-      Weather: E

Crowd: F          Catering: B+     Carlsberg: B      Steph Gilmore: F      Portaloos: C+