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Tiago Pires, Coxos. Photo: Timo

Sometimes the best wave I get is actually the one I belly in on.

Sometimes the best part is doing a wee in my rubber suit.Lovely, warm, life-giving wee down the legs, yes.

Sometimes I surf slow, some might say most/all of the time.

Sometimes I get annoyed just by other surfers’ faces. Particularly their nose/chin/lips, you know those offensive, sticky outy ones.

Sometimes I suit up without checking it and wish I hadn’t as I summit the dune.

Sometimes I rush, over-rev my car, swear at other drivers for being too slow and yet the evil wind is already up, and it is all in vain, all those sticky anger blood platelets.

Sometimes I wax my board when it’s fins down on the tarmac and it makes that bad noise on little bits of grit and gravel.

Sometimes I put my wetsuit on and it’s less comfortable than other times, it has suction around the ol’ chap and nads area, but not in a good way.

Sometimes I watch the surfer all the way but as soon as they kick out whip my head around to the lineup as if to pretend I wasn’t watching and aren’t jealous.

Sometimes I make sure I hold the glance and let them know I’m watching, when they fall.

Sometimes I paddle up to a friend, raise the batty and try to force out wetsuit farts to make that rare squeak, but they don’t make that much squeak and just hurt, and I am forced to remember that time in 1998 when I had to ask Jimmy Swain to pick me up some Anusol from Boots because I was embarrassed.

Sometimes I watch the webcast and think ‘Yaaaaawn...’

Sometimes I wait until later on in the morning, not because of wind, tide or swell, but simply because I know I will get more of a tan and highlights then.

Sometimes in bare feet to or from, I step on snails, mammal poo or patches of tar and get gooeyness between my toes. Yuck!

Sometimes I pretend to paddle for beefy set waves that I don’t really want and make sure as heck I don’t catch em.

Sometimes I dream about surfing but not that often really and very rarely do I ever ride a wave when I do, but when I do it’s always a left.

Despite each of these things and many more, or perhaps because of them, I always want to do it again, soon. It’s been that way pretty much since the very first time.

Sometimes the best surfer in the water is one having the least fun, and I am usually only either of these people when I surf alone.

- Evans Peewee