Surfers can always be stereotyped and categorised. Venn diagrams can be constructed based on which foot they put forward, to the size of waves they ride to whether they surf above or below the lip. There’s competition surfers and free surfers, there’s weekend surfers and power surfers.
And yet one of surfing’s easiest demarcation lines can be established even before a surfer hits the water. It revolves around one of surfing’s greatest dilemmas; where do you put the car keys when you go surfing?
Now the keys behind the wheel surfer has devised a cunning, foolproof plan to deal with this conundrum. Yep, you guessed it, they put the keys behind the wheel. The thinking is that whatever potential thief would actually think to look behind a wheel? And even if there happens to be some type of Italian Job style thief who is that clever, what are the chances on Earth of him actually picking the correct wheel, given that there are four? Astronomical, clearly. The other aspect of the cunning plan is the actual placement of the keys – by simply looking the other way and using their body language to pretend that they are in fact just checking the tread and not actually stashing the keys, anyone who happens to be in the car park watching will never have any clue of what is going down.
For some weird reason though, the keys on the beach guy sees putting the keys on the wheel approach as having a few fundamental security flaws. Security conscious and yet not so paranoid as to risk putting the key in those newfangled legrope pockets or in the specially designed wetsuit flap, their ingenious strategy involves walking down the beach and using a towel to camouflage the car keys. Ignoring the fact that anyone walking down the beach in a wetsuit with a towel is, obviously, holding keys, the next phase in this Alcatraz style plan is the placement of the towel – traditionally, right next to the walkway on the busiest path to the best waves does the trick.

– Rod Cunthorpe


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