Certain things have been consigned to history via technological advancements and as a society, we’re glad... if occasionally self-indulgent with nostalgia.

Unplugging the home phone in order to plug in the Internet dial up modem and check your Hotmail, that’s gone.

Pressing record and play on the VCR when Neighbours is on, or your fave chart track on the radio, they’re long gone too.

And now, with the Lockrack, one of mankind’s most futile gestures since tapping the top of a Coke can* has gone too:

Throwing a strap over a stack of surfboards on a roof rack, only for the nasty west wind to blow it promptly back in your face at twice the speed, seven times, before your exasperated accomplice on the other side of the car can finally can get a purchase, thread it under then throw it back.

Yep, roof rack straps are dead. RIP the annoying fucking buzz. It’s gone.

The Lockrack system allows you to load and unload your craft in seconds. Take an arm, slide it out, turn it side on, slot it back in. Done.

So simple by design, it looks like it shouldn’t work, like your boards will slide out. Nope, so long as your wide point is betwixt the two pairs of arms, which it always is, you’re sweet.

With Lockrack your rafts are not only safe, but secure. Board thieves with Swiss Army knives can no longer sever your ties with a pilfering slice of their evil blade.

Just while we’re here, safety and security, what is the difference? The French, for example, have just one word, for both, securité. Most unsatisfactory.


It’s kind of a tricky one, admittedly. Safety prevents an internal threat from something you can already see. Security an external one, from something you usually can’t.

Or, if you prefer, safety is a state of being protected, security is a state of being free from danger.


Lockrack Shortboard Roof Rack

Materials: Aluminium, brass, stainless steel, rubber.
Weight: 4.5kg
Price: €178


Listen, your boards are fine. Safe: They’re not flying off on the motorway, injuring them, or causing accidents.

They’re secure: Nobody’s stealing them while you’re inside the motorway services deciding whether to get the Waitrose 3 bean salad or the M&S wrap.**

* Merely creates more bubbles, which both Coke and Pepsi agree on.

**If you spotted the deliberate error here, well done. UK motorway services are either Costa/M&S (& fuel brand BP) or Waitrose/WH Smiths/Starbucks. Nice to see someone’s paying attention, to both this review and much more importantly, life.