Surf Europe 89 is on sale now luvvies!

If you like reading encyclopedias, you'll love the A to Z of Atlantic shred.

We got Franz Kakfa, we got bathymetry, we got tits!

On the cover: PATCH WILSON barnstorms the gnarl at Riley's. Photo: Mickey Smith

I had a dream last night that I did a backside air but then I woke up and I hadn’t.  This month, and last, a lot of terrible north wind here. Ever since we published Aritz’s ‘there hasn’t been any north wind’ text last issue, it’s blown north non-stop. Contrastingly, I wrote something about Graviere not working any more last year and it instantly became the best bank in the nation of France (if not Europe... heck the World!) for the next three months. To recap, Aritz ruined the Bay of Biscay’s winter wind pattern, while I created Earth’s best sandbar.

Sorry wee man...

Lately, I have noticed many birds that have come back from Africa, and so I took my hood off, ahhh. We surfed Lafit, and the online editor dropped in on a bodysurfer par accident. Well, he claims he didn’t see him, but let’s not forget this is the same man who once caught a swan on a fishing line on Lake Geneva... Meanwhile, my visiting father-in-law had an ‘accident’ related to an undercooked steak from a restaurant on CapB seafront. He emergency used the Lafit public conveniences while we were fading bodysurfers/killing swans. ‘Bloody France. Had to go in a bloody hole in the ground... no bloody paper...’

Banks have not been amazing here. Actually have been amazing - amazingly bad. There’s like, one. Just one. But always a man there I’m trying to avoid, so I keep surfing that backing off closeout up the way on my own.

I found a seahorse. Dead it was, and smelt of fish. Here they call it a ‘hippocampe’, don’t know why. Looks more like a horse to me.

I wanted to get a twin fin for spring/summer, but not a retro one though, I reasoned. Someone with red hair who, despite that, I considered a friend, said, ‘They’re all retro.’

Wanker.

I’ve enjoyed driving back in the wetsuit, jumping in the hot shower. Going great, but then after, skin singing, you towel the ol’ sack a bit too enthusiastically, which doesn’t register at the precise instant, but 13 seconds after becomes an excruciating burn... WHY’S THAT?

Thought about getting an iPhone but a bit scared of liking it and after taking such an outspoken stance, could be an awkward climb down. Plus there is always the very very outside chance that I’ll start instagramming what I had for lunch and then have to kill myself.

In other news, I have started listening to Radio 3 during the day, although it hasn’t really helped with the writing.

- Pablo Cielos