A surfing tribute to Viz magazine’s Profanisauraus, we unveil surfing’s first ever Swearosauras, an online dictionary of all things slightly rude. Of course this is just the starting point, and with your help, we can build this into the definitive article. Simply add your entries in the comments, or on Facebook, and we promise to include them in the crowdsourced Swearosauraus. C’mon we need your help!!
Armbreaker: A very energetic masturbatory session.
Arse Spider: A post poo hair nest that cannot be removed without bringing 8 spindly hairs with it.
Bali Belly: A combination of Bintangs, tropical amoebas and dodgy food that results in a large amount of fizzy gravy.
Barney: A kook or surfer of low ability; also used to describe a female’s lady parts (see bacon strips).
Backside: Surfing with your back to the wall; the well tended source of Alana Blanchard’s fame.
Backdoor: The right at Pipe; entering a tube from behind the lip; going the brown when the pink is blocked (snooker ref).
Beer Goggles: metaphorical goggles that one wears after excessive consumption of alcohol, and that can cause diminished judgment resulting in Pauline Menczer turning into Alana Blanchard.
Brazil Nut: A surfer from Brazil, not to be confused with a Brazilian which is a waxed barney.
Bacon strips: External female genitalia; see barney.
Budgies tongue: A female’s erective tissue.
Cranking: Particularly good and powerful surf conditions, or an exceptional Armbreaker session.
Double Up: When two waves combine, often creating an extra powerful wave with twice the amount of energy; adding a close friend to an intimate sexual experience.
Disco fanny: The pungent flavour achieved after six hours on a dance floor.
Doggy Door: The front exit of a tube where a surfer punches through the falling lip; also see backdoor.
Drown some kittens: To drown a litter of small stools, to drop the Cosby Kids at the pool, to grow a tail, to drop a Gorilla’s thumb, Pinch a loaf, crimp one off, have a poo, etc.
Elephant’s Diaphragm: bodyboard, esky lid, shark biscuit, speed bump, gut slider.
Foil: How a surfboard’s thickness is distributed lengthwise from nose to tail. Also an ‘80s term for the receptacle when buying and selling marijuana.
Floater: A surfing maneuver invented by Mark Sainsbury, perfected by Richie Collins and finished by Adrian DeSouza. Also what happens when the kittens aren’t drowned in the pool.
Fizzy gravy: See Bali Belly, also known as rusty water, diahorrea.
Goat Boat: A craft used by deranged imbeciles to catch waves using a canoe like craft.
Greyhound: Very short skirt, only an inch from the hare. In Australia, also known as the Gosford, as in, close to The Entrance.
Haole: A non Hawaiian, surfing, visiting or living in Hawaii, making up 99.9 per cent of the population.
Jacking: A fast rising swell; and a milder more sensual version of the Armbreaker.
Laird Hamilton: Mythical surfer from Hawaii, known for his use of motorised surf craft, sexy boardshorts and American Express.
Monkey bath: A post surf bath so hot when lowering yourself in you go Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa!
Nipple Rash: Rashed skin after a long session in boardshorts; vigorous suckling that leaves a woman’s extremities looking like a bricklayer’s thumb.
Nugget: Small powerful tubing wave; a Richard the Third or chocolate hostage.
Pull Out: To avoid the oncoming tube due to cowardice; to spray paint the stomach with your sperm gun.
Rack: Wooden holders for surfboards; a lady’s funbags.
Ranga: A surfer with a ginger complexion. Aka a Cambo, ginga ninja, fanta pants and from which the expression, “If there is rust in the roof, there is often damp in the basement” stems.
Reverse V: The keel like part of the bottom of a surfboard towards the nose; the opposite out of the concave; also see backdoor.
Teabag: A surfer who sits out the back, bobbing up and down but catching very few waves; Also to repeatedly lower one’s testicles into to the open mouth of a loved one.
Trombone: An act where one whispers into the backdoor whilst simultaneously stroking the sperm gun, in a manner like playing the brass instrument.
Seppo: An American, coming from the rhyming slang Septic Tank.
Shaka: Ubiquitous surfer’s salute, using little finger and thumb in a vigorous shaking manner. From the Hawaiian for “fuckwit.”
Slot: To be in the perfect position on a wave to guarantee a tube; the small hole protected by the bacon strips.
Small man in a boat: See Budgies’ tongue.
Steamer: A full length wetsuit; and a still smoking and large chocolate hostage.
Wettie Warmer: To urinate in one’s wetsuit.
X-Piles: Unwanted visitors from Uranus.