Everyone’s loves a quiz, right? I mean who hasn’t started a game of Trivial Pursuit and became increasingly bored and angry when no one can get one of the fucking brown pies and the game drags on for about a 1000 hours before petering out in a wheeze of disinterest? But the Surf Europe’s Friday Quiz is way more interesting. Why not test your skills against your mates, or go head to head with your grandma? Oh the fun you are about to have. Answers at the bottom, plus where your score rates you on the surf knowledge spectrum. But no cheating. You are only cheating yourself. And your Grandma.
1) One of these surfboard models is not real. Choose which one.
a) Flow Egg
c) Donkey Punch
d) Sperm Whale
2) Which surfer famously said, “It’s a cake walk once you know how?”
a) Tom Carroll
b) Joel Tudor
c) Gerry Lopez
3) Taj Burrow has been on tour for 15 years. How many World Tour events has he missed in that time?
d) Who cares?
4) Kelly Slater has a medical condition that is said to help his surfing. What is it?
a) Hirsutism (excessive hair growth)
b) Thee testicles
c) An extra vertebrae
5) Who has won more career prizemoney?
a) Adriano DeSouza
b) Jordy Smith
c) Ace Buchan
d) Damien Hobgood
6) What surfer’s real first names are Phillip and Robert?
a) Kai Otton and Kelly Slater
b) Phil MacDonald and Mickey Dora
c) Andy Irons and Kelly Slater
d) None, they are stupid names for surfers.
7) Where in France was surfing performed for the first time?
8) Who has the most Instagram followers?
a) Alana Blanchard
b) Kelly Slater
c) Tony Hawk
d) Paul Evans
9) Which surfer has the tattoo “Death and Taxes”?
a) Fred Pattachia
b) Sunny Garcia
c) Bethany Hamilton
d) Koby Abberton
10) What did Parko release this week?
a) A chocolate hostage?
b) An essay on the Syrian conflict
c) Mobile phone app
d) Signature surfboard model
1) c, the rest Takayama Flow Egg, Aloha Frankensled and Channel Islands Sperm Whale (pictured)
2) c, Gerry Lopez, in reference to riding Pipe.
3) a, as revealed in recent 21 Days episode.
4) d, Kelly is double jointed, officially known as Hypermobility, where the tendon and ligaments in stretch farther than normal. It is unclear whether this means he can suck his own penis.
5) d in order Damo ($1309950) Adriano ($1256095) Jordy ($1039580) and Ace ($919941).
6) c, Phillip Andrew Irons and Robert Kelly Slater
7) Tony Hawk with 1,026,547, Alana has 697,348, Kelly 512,191 and Evans 1 (his mother).
8) b, Biarritz’s Cote de Basque in 1957
9) c, Sunny Garcia, who was imprisoned for tax fraud
10) c, called Joel Parkinson although we assume a) happened at some stage.
0-2: You don’t surf do you? Did you just google a surf trip to Europe.
2-4: A couple of good guesses. Were you just sucked in by the arse shot of Alana?
4-6: A quite good surfing brain, although your use of the internet sees you banned.
6-8: Bordering on a surf geek, surely you have better things to do with your time.
8-10: Congratulations, you have more surfing knowledge than 99.9 per cent of population. Unfortunately, this knowledge is worthless.