Kohl Christensen @ Cloudbreak by Brent Bielmann

CRY FREEDOM!

Free. Gratos. Gratuit. The best things in life are free, said Janet Jackson. Tubes are free, love is free (hmmm), birdsong is free, the honeysuckle aroma carried on an offshore evening zephyr, is free, as are dolphins. Well they should be.

This August, we recommend doing as much free stuff as possible.

1. Get tubed. The highest state of human consciousness is achieved in the tube. This is the place where a surfer maybe achieve enough pleasure to last at least until next week… maybe longer. All you need to do is plan this act about a second or two in advance (no more), by pulling in, perhaps stalling and pulling in. That’s it.

2. Forage. There is no better time to get free lunch than August. (Well, actually, September ain’t bad…) You can eat a whole manner of nutritious plants that grow all around us. Stinging nettle, clover, dandelion, wild garlic, mugwort, hogweed, goosegrass are all ripe and ready, right now. Like saltier free food? Try seaweeds like brown leafweed, bladderwrack, carragheen and sea lettuce are but a few that grow around Europe’s Atlantic coasts. Yum!

3. Watch men in coloured lycras. Contest are free. Yep, you might have been silly enough to spunk a ton on watching the archery at the London Olympics, but your fave surf event is 100% free admission (except Bells, but seriously). This month, you are spoiled with the awesomeness of WQS’s in Newquay! Lacanau! Zarautz! What a choice that is. If you hitch hike there, and sleep under the scaffold too, well that’s seriously low budget sports entertainment fun… (p.s. autographs are also free).

4. Free water. Drink water from drinking fountains is free. Seriously, are you really gonna fork out a euro something for a plastic bottle of water bottled at a so called source somewhere, and then driven in by truck? In 2012?!? Plastic bottles are evil, we know it now. And truck drivers are at best, suspect. Cut these middle men out by going to the fountain. When the oil has all run out, wars will instead be about water. Fill up now and beat the death rush!

5. Be nice. Being nice is free, as well. Being friendly in the surf is free, but you wouldn’t think so. Being angry is expensive, in terms platelets sticking to your blood vessels and giving you high blood pressure, premature death and thus reduced earnings. This is summer, and the surf is crowded. It won’t cost you anything to be thoroughly nice chap in the surf, but the rewards are rich, vast and plentiful. You’ll bask in an all day glow of the ‘I get it’ vibe. You’ll be more stoked. And wasn’t that the whole point?

(p.s. If you don’t want to eat stinging nettles for obvious reasons, are bored to tears by the WQS, don’t fancy Legionaires’ Disease, and have no intention of paddling around like a Buddhist, giving up your waves to turkeys, stick to free activity no.1.)