If I wanted to repeat the same manoeuvre ad nausea on a geometrically repeating transition, I’d go to the mini-ramp. But if I wanted to ‘train’ for surfing, I’d go surfing… in the surf. But don’t let me spoil your fun, I’m sure I won’t. Kelly, apparently you’re building one that is going to be mind-blowing. Good luck to you. Everyone else, get amongst it. After all, it’s all about ‘fun’ right? Any way you can get it. I am clearly just a luddite weirdo, missing the point.

I can’t really grow a beard, for patchiness, and I’m not an accomplished bodysurfer, for crap at swimmingness, but give me some kind of littoral zone wilderness escape, any day. In fact, deny me the prospect, maybe, but the wilderness horizon aspiration will persist. Design the greatest wave machine ever, Macaronis on demand if you want. See where you can take it. But I’ll still trundle up the beach on the shittiest day of the year.

The Siam park wave pool in Tenerife offers Euros further possible artificial wave thrills closer to home.