Kelly Slater To Take Full Control Of Firewire Surfboards

Kelly — who these days bears a slight resemblance to Dr. Evil, no? — contemplates world domination, and lets out an evil laugh

You may recall that a month or so ago rumours began surfacing that Kelly Slater was due to invest a large amount of money in surfboard company Firewire, with the intention of moulding it into a producer of eco-friendly surfboards. It’s all been kept pretty tightly under wraps, and we hadn’t heard anything new about it for a while, perhaps because Kelly’s been busy launching his own line of furniture, promoting chia seed pods and placing highly in golf competitions.

But Beach Grit, those devilish purveyors of ultra-hard surf candy, have the knowledge! They report that by April 2nd this year — precisely a year and a day after Kelly announced he was leaving Quiksilver — the paperwork will have been finalised and Kelly Slater will be the owner of Firewire. Read all about it in the original article here.

Incidentally, the same website recently suggested that if you own a Firewire, then you probably “are a well-to-do stay at home dad, watch the Oxygen network and fantasize about Oprah wearing black leather. You have It’s Raining Men on your iPod.” Is this the destiny that awaits us all after we buy our brand new Kelly-approved Firewires, as we inevitably will?


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