An outspoken hipster basher has admitted he is finally running out of negative things to say about hipsters. Andros Turner, a part time business analyst and full time blogger from Cornwall says he has been stuck for the better part of three months to come up with a single sarcastic swipe at hipsters.
“In the early days, it was like shooting fish in a barrel,” said Turner. “I mean this was like 2006 and I was one of the original hipster bashers. Just by pointing out their retro boards, mentioning man bags or having a dig at their facial hair or choice of font was hilarious,” reminisced the 33 year old.
However with the DIY surf hipster movement going mainstream and seemingly here to stay, Turner has increasingly struggled to come up with snarky one-liners, general tounge-in-cheek abuse or even find clever slogans to repost on on his Tumblr site.
“I really didn’t think it would last this long. I have been forced to have a pop at SUPers, but it’s just not the same,” he told Surf Europe. “I mean who wants to laugh at a mum with two kids trying to get fit and enjoy the ocean? Every now and again Dane Reynolds might say something stupid, but he surfs so good, he’s like a fucking sacred cow or something.”
Even worse, Turner was caught the other day riding a 5’6” Skip Frye twin fin and admits to having bookmarked Korduroy.tv. “I suppose the rot started when I started to see the point in chinos,” he said. “Now my girlfriend won’t let me where my baggy denim jeans or even old Billabong shirts. And some of those boards are actually quite fun to ride.”
“Look I’m not saying I agree with everything Alex Knost does,” he continued, “but I feel hipster bashing is now actually less cool than hipsters themselves. It’s left a big hole in my life. Hipster bashing was my thing. I need a shit new fad in surfing, and I need it now.”