Holy fuck sticks.
It's not often, in this age of social media, this godforsaken shit-strewn age of instant access to infinite content, that something really makes you stop and say, “Holy fuck sticks”. Very rarely indeed.
It was once possible, in the course of just a single lifetime, to read every book that had ever been written. A hundred and fifty years ago men would get forty-eight-hour erections just by looking at a daguerreotype of a woman in her underwear. There was a time when the release of surfing footage for public consumption was a major event, a genuine occasion, and not simply a matter of unlocking a screen and tapping it twice to register your appreciation.
Nowadays we are suffering from narrative fatigue, nudity fatigue and tube fatigue; turn fatigue, air-reverse fatigue and wave-pool fatigue. Nowadays people say “meh”, or, at best, “omg” — words that didn't exist twenty years ago.
But holy fuck sticks. Plenty of us said “fuck sticks” several weeks ago when Ramón Navarro got towed into that perfect Cloudbreak monster and successfully rode it to the channel, remaining for the most part on the threshold between pocket and barrel. Had he been in Kelly Slater's wave pool, that generous little tube timer would have given him the benefit of the doubt.
This, however, is surely a wave of a different order. It's like a mini Chopes that runs for roughly a mile, or two minutes, and that comprises about eight barrels. The tube timer would have malfunctioned.
Koa Smith writes:
“My whole day surfing I try to InVision that one dream wave that I want to experience. I picture it clearly. What it will look like. How it will feel. The emotions pouring out of me when the wave is complete. Then this happen :)”
But what price perfection?
Would you sell your soul to the devil to make a wave like this? How many and which appendages would you willingly lop off to be able to inhabit Koa Smith’s body for these two glorious minutes? And would you exchange your basic literacy for Koa Smith’s combination of good looks and tube-riding ability?