‘How to do what?’ You ask.

Yeah, that’s what I thought too. But then recently, a true friend convinced me to try cleaning the wax off my boards once or twice a decade, and guess what, it worked! No more huge, heavy patch of mingin black/ brown slime covering my prized possessions. They looked and felt so lush for nearly a week that now I almost can’t wait until 2015 to clean them again.

1. Warm up your board a little. Cold wax is hard as nails, so stick him by a radiator, in the sunlight by a window for a short while, anywhere that’ll loosen up the muck. Hair dryers can also been used.

2. Get a good wax comb. Not one with the serrated edge opposite to the longest scraping edge, otherwise you put loads of red marks in your palm which can be quite hurty, and in some cases, very hurty. Using wax comb substitutes like credit cards, library cards or kitchen spatulas is a last resort, and certainly not ideal.

3. Go a little dousing with white spirit over your wax before you start. There are less toxic, non-oil derivative natural products you can use like a citrus one, look out for that in your local surf shop.

4. Scrape with your comb in long strokes. At the end of each, gather the lump of waxy slime to avoid making a mess. Getting wax spoil on your patio can stain it for years, so watch out.

5. When it’s all scraped away, wet a cloth with white spirit and wipe the whole board, deck, rails, fins, bottom. Get all the salt and grime off to give her a new lease of life.

6. If you don’t have a cloth/white spirit you can use the soft Velcro bit of an old leash, that works really well for getting wax out of dents, or a rough towel. Bit of a waste of a leash or a towel though, so get a rag.

7. Purchase some Quick Humps from your local irie surf shack and wax him up toute suite. Nothing worse than rocking up to perfect waves and having a shiny, waxless deck and then realizing you gots no wax.