kelly-slater

Kelly, attention seeking at Kirra. Photo: Damea Dorsey. Words by Chas Smith.

It was Mark Twain, I believe, who said everyone on earth will have his five minutes of fame, or maybe it was Mark Healey. In any case, it is true and more true today than yesterday.

Today we have GoPro cameras. Any surfer can strap one on and film himself shredding his local beach- break. He can put the GoPro on his head, using a headband, and he will look like a Teletubby but he will also capture his own POV angle of his own barrel. Or he can set up a Solo Shot tripod on the beach, with any camera on top, and attach a sensor to his arm. The Solo Shot will follow him as he crawls down the line. His girlfriend can lounge, unbothered, and acquire a beauti- ful tan, not the nose bridge, shoul- der sunburn of a beach filmer.

He might ditch her for the hot 18-year-old who followed him on Instagram.

He can wave his hand in front of his GoPro after he feels that he has done something sick and, when downloading the footage to his computer, can use Highlight Hunter to find all his banger clips up to eight times faster than if he searched for them himself. He can edit these bangers using his Apple iMovie (if he is tacky) or Final Cut Pro (if he is a nerd). He can get free music from SuperSexySong and put it all together and make a film. He can name his film Suckin’ it in Detention.

He can upload Suckin’ it in Detention to YouTube and push it out through Twitter or on Face- book. He can watch his views and likes grow, grow, grow and he can have his five minutes of fame. His five minutes of self-made fame.

His girlfriend, with the beautiful tan, will be impressed but he might ditch her for the hot eighteen year old who followed him on Instagram and sent him the message “@radsurfshredder You’re so hot!" He will find out later that she uses all of the same technology to achieve her own five minutes of fame on Red Tube. It will upset him.

He will decry the horror of his newfound illustriousness and end up in a gutter drinking Popov vodka straight from the plastic bottle. A child using the new Go Pro Wi-Fi combo kit will ollie over him and cap- ture his look of despair. Fame is a heavy cross.