Today, a bit of a contest. Just five heats of Rd2. Headlines: Saca safely through with a jolly good tuber. Medina through, John John out.

Saca's tube: A-

Contest coffee: B -

Waves: B+ start, D finish

Wind: F

Tail: D (hardly any... cold, windy, early, never good)

When the wind came up and it was Bede and Dan Ross and waves looked pretty shit and really far away it was a bit like when it's around 2.40 pm at school on an overcast day and you're just knackered and really hungry. The teacher is talking off in the distance and your wrist is sore from leaning your face on your hand, elbow on the desk and you're broken and all you want to do is be at home eating cereal or cheese toasties watching Postman Pat in your gruts. Ring the bell, you bastards! You urge the forces that be, silently. Anyway, they did and it was off.

After, we went for a shred at le wharf. Acedrian Buchanan was in his car in car park and said the best thing anyone has said yet this week: "I went to Upton Park on Saturday to watch the Hammers."

What a legend. Kelly, you may well have gone St Andrews (again) to play golf (snoooore) but you're not Ace. Ace went Boleyn Ground and sat in the Bobby Moore Stand. Now that, I tell you, is a gentleman and a scholar.

On the wave, was just lost John John, ripping. Freddy P showed up with Trav Log, and Taj did too. My leash broke. I swam in, and puked a bit of scrambled egg. I was wearing a red shortie. Yuck! Here's the vid: