There are good resin tints and great resin tints and then there is Hawaii‘s Jack Reeves, the absolute fucken master. Photos:Timo

Colour is so hot! It’s so right now! In the bad old days people chose surfboards based on shape and perhaps the related performance, but nowadays it’s just as ok to choose ’em based on colour.

Thus the question, “What did you get?” could be acceptably answered with, “a red one!”

Here’s a wee guide to colours and what they mean:

TINT VS PIGMENT: A resin tint is translucent whereas a pigment is opaque. Pigment is usually cheaper than the tint, as less work is involved.

YELLOW: Yellow all over is a bit Pagey circa ‘98 isn’t it? Pehaps with a touch of Powelly and a light suggestion of Slater Servais shot from Cloudbreak… basically it’s 90’s as fuck.

BLUE: Dorian went through a prolonged blue period, like Picasso, kind of a Smurf blue with occasional darker stuff.

RED: Hmm, it’s so hard to get red right. It always makes boards look heavy… which is OK for your cherry rouge hipster log but no so great on your 5’11” x 18 1⁄4.

TAIL DIP. All of a sudden, like outta nowhere, a couple of years ago the tail dip was huge! Maybe with a horizontal stripe. Nobody had thought about horizonal spray in, like, yonks/ever! Can’t think of anywhere else to blame, so let’s blame Dane.

OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE STRINGER CHECKS: Have never looked anything other than shit. They probably even make the board lean one way.

FLAMES: Another huge no no. Like, Pottz blue rail flames? Really?

BLACK: Black, whilst hugely impractical (gets hot, melty wax!) has become a hipster fave, championed by the likes of Dion.

GIANT POLKA DOTS: Giant colourful polka dots have something of a Roxy vibe about them. Ideal if you have a waif-like pre-pubescent physique and are going straight on a Waikiki 1ft-er.

BIG SLOGAN: A big slogan is pretty awesome if you are punting mad fuck off airs and getting crazy ass because of it. But if you are just doing 4 stage slow crab-backs, a big bold slogan might make you look like a bit of a… cunt.

SMALL SLOGAN (FROM THE BIBLE): For surfing Gideons. Not ideal, but if you really must, why not go for something Old Testament and gnarly like, Deuteronomy 23:1, “No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.”