Bruce, blue steel in white tee. credit asp/kirstin

 

Surf Europe caught up with Bruce Irons for a quick pow wow and this is what Brucey had to say.

What’s your most embarrassing moment?

When I was 12 Eric Diaz pants me at this event, in front of all these fucking girls and shit. And I was a real little guy and I had a no pee wee action at all back then, and you know, that was a really embarrassing moment.

Aside from property what’s the most expensive item you have bought?

Most expensive? Shit I’ve bought some cars, Range Rovers for example. And I have bought some expensive purses and necklaces and shit for girls. No wait, I bought a fucking boat! A 110 grand boat, best money I ever spent, 27 feet, twin V6 turbo, still got it.

What makes you unhappy?

Crowds and cold water.

Worst thing anyone has ever said to you?

Shit, really, I’m a prick, but people say that all the time. Maybe when my daughter says no to me for a cuddle, that hurts.

What’s your greatest fear?

Not being there for my kids.

Bruce, Chopes 2011. No fear. credit asp/roberston

Who would play you in a film of your life?

Someone good, maybe Sean Penn, not Brad Pitt, that’s gay. Yeah I can see Penn doing it.

Who are your heroes?

Anybody who doesn’t kiss ass. Anyone who doesn’t do what they are supposed to do.

Where would you go if you could go back in time?

I would go back to the time of the Greek heathen Gods and I would be standing amongst them. Right where I belong.

When was the last time you had sex?

Couple of hours ago and it was awesome.

Tell us a joke.

What did the man say when he walked into a bar? Ouch.

Tell us a secret.

Hanalei Bay.

What song do you want played at your funeral?

Iron Man by Black Sabbath.

If you ruled the world…

I already do.

Finish the sentence. I am Bruce Irons and…

I rule you.