(Why) Are Americans "Fat, Stupid, Greedy, Classless Bastards" ?
Obnoxious dads, with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wives, and resentful children
The Ryder Cup is under way, you've probably heard of it: America vs Europe. At golf.
One of the European players is Englishman Danny Willet, whose brother, Pete, had some unkind words about Americans. Stuff like...
"A baying mob of imbeciles... pudgy, basement-dwelling, irritants, stuffed on cookie dough and pissy beer... Make America Great Again swarm, desperately gripping their concealed-carry compensators... obnoxious dads, with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wives, and resentful children. Squeezed into their cargo shorts and boating shoes, they'll bellow 'get in the hole' whilst high-fiving all the other members of the Dentists' Big Game Hunt Society... Fat, stupid, greedy, classless, bastards."
Yikes! Say what you really feel, Pete!
But everyone hates on Americans from time to time right? Why dat?
Is the USA the only country you're still 'allowed' to make sweeping, disparaging remarks about? Probably!
But what about surfers?
Remember (probably not, it was 1984) when Occy said "Now I just want to get real and stop these American wankers".
Whoa there Raging Bull!
Occ wasn't the sole Antipodian having a pop, neither. Two time ASP World Title runner up Gary Elkerton publicly called Americans, "Soft cocks".
Steady on, Kong!
Occy, 1984: anti-American (said 'ant-I')
Which bring us on to today... do pro surfers or their siblings still harbour serious misgivings about Americans?
Probably not. Certainly not in public, anyway.
But you can still vent, if you need. Let's assume it's not ok to heckle them for being fat, loud and stupid, but you can always indulge in this summer's fave BBC olympics coverage pedantry, heckling our across the pond cousins for verbing nouns.
You know, like "podiumed" "medalled"... even "golfing".
But it's not all one-way traffic. America still has her patriotic heroes to turn to. Like Kolohe Andino, who starred in the Hurley Team USA trunk campaign.
"It's the home of the free" said Kolohe...
(Think it might actually be 'Land of the free, home of the brave', but whatever, the trunks are currently half price on the Nike site! Subsidised patriotism!)
In summary, please be nice to Americans. If you see one far, far from home looking stricken, hungry or lost, why not help them out.
They could turn out to be a friend.
Or, at least, Canadian.