A-Z OF HAWAII: AN IDIOT'S GUIDE TO THE NORTH SHORE (PART II)
"President Obama gained both a desire for legislative change, and an ice habit, whilst living in the 51st state."
The A-L to section of Surf Europe's Guide to Hawaii (catchphrase, written by idiots for idiots) was so successful we actually decided to finish it. Hold on to your Hawaiian shirts folks, here is everything you need to know from M-Z about the North Shore.
Monster Mush - not what happens to your face when you fade a local at Pipe, but a wave between Sunset and Pipe that features neither of those two’s shallow reef danger or deep water terror. A great place to go ride rather large waves but not shit your pants in the process.
Noll, Greg - Known as Da Bull, Nolls fearless, yet rather inelegant, approach to Waimea and Pipe layed the groundwork for every other surfer that has made a living out of riding big waves since.
Obama, Barack - Hawaii’s most famous resident after Flynn Novak, President Obama gained both a desire for legislative change, and an ice habit, whilst living in the 50th state. Is rumoured to be a goofyfooter.
Pipeline - Still swatting aside pretenders like Teahupoo through sheer force of crowd, sheer numbers of photographers and sheer number of A-Z guides of Hawaii. Or is it just a fat overated shorey?
Queens - down near the Waikiki, Queens is Oahu’s premier gay beach, and Surf Europe editor’s favourite hangout (in more ways than one). Nice and fruity and a nice change from the testerone fuelled North Shore.
Rocky Point - It is a point and it is rocky. The natural footers swear by the right, the goofys by the left. The rip however usually leaves you stranded in the middle, unable to catch either.
Sunset - The takeoff area the size of three football fields is the usual definition, whatever that means. Big waves, big men on big boards, and the overwhelming sense that you either are, or very soon will be, in the wrong position.
Titty Bars - Honolulu's (known simply as town) strip bars offer a traditional North Shore diversion for the morally bankrupt and sexually insecure (so covering around 98 per cent of the surfers in Hawaii) these places feature attractive gyrating women wearing nothing at all, overpriced drinks and the smell of desperation. Pure heaven.
Underground - There are so many underground surfers on the North Shore, its a wonder the whole place doesn’t subside into the ocean every winter. Small Brazo in big boards, big Aussies on small boards, helmeted Japanese kamikazes and of course local just surfing the local break (which happens to be 20 foot Phantoms). Every now and again, an underground dude goes above ground, like a moth into a butterfly, sometimes with similar lifespans
Velzyland - Or V-land is the real last bastion of North Shore control. Perhaps the funnest and friendliest wave on the whole island lies opposite the poorest residential estate and a line-up where one tiny mistake can lead to at best a send in, or at worst at send in with your face re-arranged. Best to turn up with at least 5 of your mates.
Watermen - The last known person to know what a waterman is died four years ago, and since then the term has been unable to be nailed to the wall. It used to be someone that picked boulders off the ocean floor, wore speedoes in the surf and had a windsurfer and a 11 foot gun in the garage. Now, well, fuck knows? But we think it involves a SUP.
X, Y, Z- to be honest we stopped caring at Tittybars, but if you have anything on x-rated stories, yellow boards or the Z-town boys, please let us know.