Today the waves are quite small on the North Shore, yah.
Ho niiice! Yah?
I woke early and bicycled to Starbucks on a bike with no pedals, gears or breaks. It is the alaia of the cheap girls mountainbike world, except not trendy and not made of wood. (I am a precocious cycling talent, yesterday I rode it to ‘historic’ Haleiwa town. My legs are quite awesome. Powerful, shapely, not that hairy, sexy, albeit a touch short.)
There I saw an array of Australian men; Kieren ‘KP’ Perrow, Jay ‘Botswana’ Thompson ‘Local Directory’, Glen ‘Micro’ Hall, et al. None of them mentioned the cricket. Neither did I. I didn’t see any Euros. In the wise words of Andy ‘Kingy’ King (another Australian) ‘Euros don’t get up before 9am.’ They do, but I know what he meant. It was about 7.05am. KP reckoned the surf would stay small until at least mid week. “Awesome!” I cheered, then, collecting myself, frowned and, “I mean, oh no, bummer. That sucks…”

Back at home I rustled up a snorkel, mask and swim fins from ‘under the house.’ It is so N Shore to find cool shit ‘under the house.’ I washed the centipede eggs from them in the shorey at Kammies and put them on and jumped in. The current took me directly out past the Stone Zone, Monster Mush and soon I was kicking past the pack at Arma Hut. Once around Rockies, I saw a huge turtle below, or honu as we say in Polynesian. She swam to mid depth and I stayed above and we synchronize swam for a hundred metres or so. It was terrific. She flapped her front flaps effortlessly and flew, every now and again turning her turtle’s head (hahahaha) and looking at me with an alien eye. I saw loads of those needle fish, some stripey ones, the ones with coloured lips that eat the coral and also a car wheel and tyre. It wasn’t an alloy. My right swimfin was hurting a bit as it was pretty tight so I decided to head back to Oahu. Approaching the shorey near Ehukai I saw a bit of plastic stuck on the reef and dove to get it, thinking it could harm turtle or some other aquatic creature. As I got closer I realized it was a swim fin. On the beach I inspected and realized it was the same as the one I had on my left plate (Hydro), but the right foot, and also the right size! I literally found treasure that I could use. As if that ever happens!

Walking back I saw Tiago’s filmer and we watched Saca rip a couple of the now windy lefts down by Pupukea. At Rocky’s I saw Gabriel Villaran shred his shredstick about 10cm from a poking out rock. Impressive! Big Jordy Smith was splashing his hands and waving his arms and going bananas. I thought he was getting attacked by a weaver fish or a squid had inked in his eyes, but he was just signaling to his filmer(s) to move east up the beach. They picked up tripods and shuffled along the coarse sand about 4m when he signaled the thumbs up. ‘Is he fucking with me?’ said one. I chortled. My back was starting to burn in the heat. My legs may be awesome but my back isn’t really. It’s white, and a bit fat like Alan Partridge’s. I decided to head inside for more All Bran.

Small kine for a few days. Who’s complaining? ‘Not I’ said the Walrus.