Big Pun and Fat Joe (aka Big and Fat) are two of the my fave Puerto Rican MCs of all time. I mean, they are both shit, but they’re still two of my fave PRcan MCs of all time. If I were president, I’d recommend a vocal chord snipping and a decade of Atkins’ Diet all round, but I isn’t.

Anyway, Round 2 of the dudes ran today in windy Middles. I spoke to conny director Dooma Hardman who said, “It’s pretty windy.” There was a kiteboarder reaching terminal velocity just west of the conny peak, but then again kiteboarders go faster in the tropics because the Earth spins faster at low latitudes (this IS actually true, speed= distance over time, and time is 24 hours and distance around the Earth is greater, so shut up).

Tom Curren was here today. He said to me that I wasnt that funny or very good on the webcast in Portugal, his exact words were, “You need to loosen up.” I thought that was pretty rich. I thought that seemed a bit like the pot and the kettle discussing shades of blackness. I couldn’t really think of a good comeback so I just agreed with the great man. Only after he’d gone did I give it the large one.

These are the results of Rd 2:

Heat 1: Taj Burrow (AUS) 14.77 def. Dillon Perillo (USA) 9.40

Heat 2: Dylan Graves (PRI) 13.10 def. Adrian Buchan (AUS) 11.03

Heat 3: Gabe Kling (USA) 12.83 def. Damien Hobgood (USA) 10.50

Heat 4: Chris Davidson (AUS) 11.80 def. Luke Munro (AUS) 10.07

Heat 5: Roy Powers (HAW) 12.10 def. Jadson Andre (BRA) 8.64

Heat 6: Bobby Martinez (USA) 13.93 def. Travis Logie (ZAF) 4.66

Heat 7: Dusty Payne (HAW) Advances Past Andy Irons (HAW)*

Heat 8: Fredrick Patacchia (HAW) 12.10 def. Luke Stedman (AUS) 10.86
Heat 9: Taylor Knox (USA) 13.84 def. Kai Otton (AUS) 9.43

Heat 10: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 10.33 def. Patrick Gudauskas (USA) 9.93
Heat 11: Brett Simpson (USA) 14.43 def. Tom Whitaker (AUS) 14.23

Heat 12: Daniel Ross (AUS) vs. Adam Melling (AUS)

I was the only person on the island cheering out loud for Ace. When I did, many people turned and death stared me. I thought Big Pun and Fat Joe were gonna come and sit on me. Dylan Graves won it and the crowd went absoutely bananas. They loved it, it was a great show of support. He did quite a bit of celebrating which I thought was a touch odd, since he’d merely secured, as yet, the second worst result you can get, its not as if he’s won yet. If the Mr Wolf from Pulp Fiction were here he would have said, “well, lets not start blanking each others’ blanks just yet…” but he wasn’t. Afterwards I said to Ace, I was cheering for you, Adrian, I was hoping for an upset. He said, “You just saw an upset.”
Homeboy from Surfline went to do a wee wee and missed Taylor Knox’s 9.7 whatever, so dont read his write up. he came back from the Portaloos and said, “man, what happened, I missed it” I somehow missed it myself and said “Ottz did a mental backside air reverse” (guess), and he said, “It was Taylor”. Oooops. He knew more about it than me and he was in the portaloos.
Driving home fro the conny there were 3 chicks in the car in front waving and stuff. The sun was in our eyes so it was hard to know more. Then we turned off and into our hotel and they followed us in and did laps. The man who i was with said, “they;re about the same age as my daughters, who are 4 and 6”. They werent that young but they were young. not wanting to get arrested as a paedo on just my second day here I waved politely and went inside. Im not sure how old you have to be to drive here, but not very.