Sometimes, when I consider the essentially subjective nature of all aesthetic judgement, I wonder if there isn’t a parallel universe where reigning world champion Craig Anderson is derided for his gruesomely narrow-kneed approach, while free-surfing media darling Adriano de Souza is pictured on the cover of the latest What Youth, thighs and buttocks tensed in a deep and powerful squat.

Perhaps the WSL judges come from just such a universe? De Souza and the judges seem to speak the same language, at any rate; the syntax isn’t particularly elegant but there’s always an exclamation point at the end of the sentence. (In this regard he bears an unlikely resemblance to Chas Smith.) Adriano’s wide and compact stance has thus provided the ideal base on which to build winning heat scores, and from which to deliver the well-polished floaters that have become his trademark.

To have a poo-stance, but not to give a shit, so to speak — this is the key. Adriano’s worthy of your respect not in spite of his poo-stance nor exactly because of it, but rather because the criticism washes off him like jizz off a porn star’s face. The strength and charm of the reigning world champion* lies in his frank acceptance of the fact that competitive surfing is a game and he a player in it.

And don’t you dare be a player-hater.

Shaun Tomson

In the ’70s, such was the exuberant spirit of the era, you could bend your legs squarely at the knees while performing the ‘YMCA’ with your arms and still be considered a paragon of sophisticated poise.

Take Shaun Tomson, for instance. Nobody flinched in disgust at his bold, muscular lines or virtuoso tunnelling technique then, and none but the most blinkered, historically illiterate of surf fans would do so now; in fact, one could make a strong case that Tomson elevated the poo-stance to an all-time stylistic high. Sturdy as an oak but refined, almost debonair, the South African bore his crablike posture with flair and panache, and far from being dismissed as ungainly, was celebrated as “innovative and aristocratic”, to quote his EOS entry.

“Sturdy as an oak but refined, almost debonair, the South African bore his crablike posture with flair and panache…”

Greg Noll

Matt Warshaw, author of the Encyclopedia of Surfing and the sport’s most knowledgable chronicler, was once asked on a popular online discussion board who invented the poo-stance, and why. His response was thus:

“Greg Noll, 1964. Legs and buttocks seized from a long night of man-spreading atop a barstool at Ercoles Tavern the night before. Fact.”

Extra style points for the raised arms.

Peterson Rosa

Peterson Rosa’s was not the first Brazilian poo-stance and it certainly wasn’t the last, but it was perhaps the most influential — and probably the biggest by several inches. Neither Fabio Gouveia nor Flavio Padaratz, near-contemporaries of Rosa’s and the first two Brazilians to crack the world tour top ten, belonged to the Poo Brigade — Gouveia’s smooth, narrow-kneed style was even compared to Curren’s — yet it was Rosa’s ghastly silhouette that Brazil’s burgeoning surf culture took as its template.

But what use he put it to! Hair long and wild, kneecaps nestled in his armpits, he would compress off the bottom and hurtle at sections with an atavistic abandon rarely equalled since. Rosa “doesn’t so much perform maneuvers as have collisions with the wave,” wrote Derek Hynd at the time. And like a rubbernecker gawking at the wreckage, you couldn’t take your eyes off him.

Eddie Aikau

Eddie Aikau is, of course, a legend. None more legendary in the world of shred. And the fact that his knees pointed proudly outwards when he rode the mountainous waves of Waimea Bay constitutes no brown stain on his legacy.

When the surf reaches a certain size, a wide and robust squat is not only socially acceptable but strongly advisable — and, for most surfers, unavoidable, instinctive. To worry about the position of your rear knee would be like stopping to do up your top button as you flee from a ravenous lion. (Considered less attractive but evidently more conducive to survival, the poo-stance constitutes an evolutionary dilemma.)

Aikau was the preeminent Waimea surfer of his generation, at a time when Waimea was the world’s preeminent big wave. His attitude of firm resolution upon the wave bespoke a noble readiness, and was widely imitated in the late ‘60s and ‘70s, particularly amongst his fellow Hawaiians.

The stage is now set for a new generation of McNamaras. Liam’s eldest son, Makai, was an obvious standout at this year’s Volcom Pipe Pro, overcoming an interference call to advance through his semi-final heat by virtue of a 10-point ride; he swung on the biggest wave of the day and hung on for his life in an old-fashioned but highly effective marriage of poo-stance and pig-dog. (A dog-poo-stance? A pig-dog-poo?) Nor does Liam’s second son, Landon, now 18, show any signs of dispensing with the family tradition.

“Less attractive but evidently more conducive to survival, the poo-stance constitutes an evolutionary dilemma”