Going on safari this summer? Perhaps to the Dutch East Indies? Read on…

1. Swim fins. Duh! 2. Snorkel and mask. Flat days needn’t mean endless wanking and eating Beng Bengs… Snork! 3. Big fuck off knife. Gut fish, carve figurines, free yourself from fishing nets, captivity. 4. Yellow Gath helmet complete with early 90’s stickers. Protect your bonce. 5. Speargun. Why leave fish swimming in the sea when you can spear them ‘tween the eyes. The eyes! 6. Snake bite? Don’t bank on sucking out the poison with your gob. Especially if your buddy gets a nasty case of snake bite on the end of the bell… better to Aspivenin! 7. Rubber Johnny bags. Perfect for posh wanks, and STI prevention. 8. First aid kit, as essential as your fave shooter 9. Sun hat. Your head is that bit closer to the sun and the Indo sun is harsh. 10. Sunnies. Bring plenty of pairs, they make great gifts/bartering goodies. 11. Lonely Planet Indonesia paper back. If you’re feelin’ really modern, download the digital version. It weighs less! 12. Betadine antiseptic cut cleaner & insect repellent, only marginally less useful than food, clothing and shelter. 13. iPhone. Less bulky than your computer, more portable, but just as useful. Just make sure you turn roaming off… 14. Fin keys. Bring several, stash em in different places coz you know oh you know they like to hide. 15. Noise cancelling headphones. Propeller on fire? Gunfire? Turn the music up! 16. Funny money. Singapore dollars useful for transit at Shangri, if you got some US greenbacks hangin about, bring em too. 17. Eargplugs. Because sitting out the dreamy month’s salary boat trip with a perforated ear drum sucks ass. 18. Neck pillow. Anytime, anyplace, any position. You + neckpillow = Zzzzzzz.