Leo Fioravanti can’t make it a week without waves. Most of us, come to think of it, can’t make it a week without waves. We become erratic and impetuous, querulous and unreasonable, volatile and hormonal — complete arseholes basically, far more likely to punch an old person in the face or to hurl a kitten across the street just to relieve some of the stress. This means that many of us are complete arseholes quite a lot of the time, and some of us have criminal records to prove it. Not Leo though. He just shouts out, “Mamma, I’m going to Indonesia for a week,” hops on a plane and off he goes to surf pumping Lakey Peak and Supersuck. Until he broke his back at Pipeline, that is, forcing him out the water for several months. Now he can’t even swing a cat, poor bloke.

This is the first instalment of a new EpicTV series called ‘Next’. Get well soon Leo, and try to resist the temptation to hit any old people with your crutches. Christmases have been a bit tense in my family ever since I cracked my nan one over the head.